02 03 Gallimaufry Grove: 10 More Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

10 More Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids


I don't know if I'm the only mom out there who finds strange things slipping out of my mouth when I'm talking to my kids.  I sort of envision all the other moms having wonderful words of wisdom for their darlings.  And then there's me, saying weird and quirky things to my kids without even realizing it until I notice they are rolling on the floor in hysterics (instead of sitting quietly in their seats with every hair in place -- you know, like the other moms' kids.)  My kids finally started making me write this stuff down so no one would ever forget how odd their mother was.  Sigh...

Without further ado, I give you 10 more things I never thought I'd say to my kids.  (Here's the link to 5 Things I Never Thought I'd Say, in case you missed it.)

1.  "I don't think the Shadow of Death resides in the Youth Room." --  said to Pickle-Mickle (My preschooler).  We had been reading Pilgrim's Progress.  When we got to the church, the lights weren't on yet in the Youth Group room.  When she saw the darkness, she got things from the book a little twisted in her mind.  Don't worry, she's okay now.

2.  "That looks like a bloated maggot." -- said to Pickle-Mickle.  I was trying to figure out what she had in her mouth.  It was just the innards of a white jelly bean.  Everything's okay.  I promise.

3.  "Your skirt is 6 inches deep in mud."  -- said to Mustache (my 14 year old son).  His jean cuffs were wet to his ankles.  If you've never read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin, then you will have no idea why I said this.  So sorry.

4.  "Hey Kids!  I just cloned Mildred!!!" -- said to all my kids after I successfully grew and made a second sourdough starter from our original starter (affectionately named Mildred).

5.  "I haven't cussed you yet."  -- I was saying "goodnight" to the boys and was trying to say "I haven't kissed you yet" and "I haven't tucked you in yet" at the same time.  It came out wrong. But at least it's true.  I have never cussed at them...

6.  "Put the Alien Detector down and finish your chores!" -- said to Rocket Boy who was playing with an electronics project instead of finishing his chores.  As I'm sure you know, children should never search for aliens during chore time.  For the record, the project was actually called an alien detector, although it doesn't really detect aliens.  We may be weird, but we're not that weird.

7.  "Go run around the house for a little bit." -- said to Rocket Boy.  He's a 10 year old boy. No explanation necessary.

8.  "Play less.  Eat more." -- Sage exercise advice for my sons who were horsing around instead of eating breakfast.  I think I'd like that kind of work out program...

9.  "Don't step on Texas.  It's slippery." -- said to Pickle Mickle, who was about to step on a large United States floor puzzle piece.  It was the Texas piece, and it was about to slide on the floor with her when she put her foot down.  Being the cautious mother that I am, I was trying to warn her of the possible danger of falling.  Why, oh why do the things I say come out like they do?

10.  "Just because we're Ninja Whales does not mean we stop treating girls like ladies." -- I promise.  I don't make this stuff up.  I don't even know if I can explain this one well enough to make you understand.  Pickle-Mickle wanted me to read her story in a silly way, so I did.  Then I decided it sounded kind of like a whale doing Karate.  So the Ninja Whale was born.  (It's now one of her favorite voices that I do.)  Anyway, hearing me read "Ninja Whale Style" got the boys pretty wired.  They got a bit wild and weren't being so gentlemanly to their sisters.  So I corrected them.  Or at least I tried to correct them, but it's hard to be taken seriously when you say things like that....

So, do you ever say weird things to your kids without meaning to?  Tell me I'm not the only one!

Have a great day!


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