Gallimaufry Grove: 7 Steps to Cure Housekeeping Perfectionism

Are you a little OCD about your house? Does it drive you crazy when someone loads the dishwasher from the opposite side? Does your blood boil when someone doesn’t refold the bathroom hand towel after use? Do you see red when someone leaves a wad of toothpaste in the sink? Do things at your house have to be done your way? Have no Fear. I have experimented and found the cure for the dreaded OCD Housewife. Because I am nice, I will share my discovery with you free of charge:

7 Steps to Cure Yourself of Housekeeping Perfectionism

Step 1: Have a bunch of kids. Anything under 4 children is probably not enough. It is too easy to find a way to keep up with the kid-engineered chaos when you have only a couple kids. You will need to have more kids than you could possibly keep up with. Feel free to borrow a half-dozen kids, but they will need to live with you, not just visit.

Step 2: Take on a lot of extra responsibility. Volunteer, do church work, etc. It doesn’t matter WHAT you do, so long as it puts a lot of pressure on you and leaves you exhausted.

Step 3: Make sure your husband has a job that renders him unable to help around the house or with the kids. Extra points if he is as stressed and exhausted as you.

Step 4: Homeschool your kids. This adds both stress and chaos to your day. You can also work outside the home while your kids are in school, if homeschooling is not your thing. The point is to make sure you are never home without the kids in tow, otherwise you might be able to get things done.

Step 5: Make sure you are interrupted often. Never let yourself have a full thought without an interruption. Never let yourself complete a task without making sure 2 or more new jobs are created in the mean time.

Step 6: Remove all sources of outside help. No help from family or friends. You cannot even call to “vent”. Under no circumstances should you hire housekeeping services, nannies, babysitters, tutors, or even lawn care. Do it yourself, honey. It’s the only way.

By the end of this exercise, you will no longer be a perfectionist. You will no longer care HOW the dishwasher got loaded. You will be happy at the mere thought that someone other than you actually managed to open the dishwasher door and shove something in. Whether the dish breaks in transit will not matter to you. You are likely to pass out cold if that person actually started the dishwasher. It won’t matter to you that they forgot to put in the soap. And that gunk on the kitchen floor? You will consider that a part of your Feed the Starving Mice Campaign. Mopping will no longer seem necessary. You, my friend, are CURED!

P.S. If you find yourself spazzing out because Junior didn't put the Christmas Tree Ornaments in the right places, you need this program. At the end of this program, you can shock your children by being relaxed through the holidays. You will enjoy the family moments rather than destroying the family moments in your quest for the perfect Christmas Tree. You're welcome.